The Elegantly Cultural

The Elegantly Cultural

The Elegantly Cultural

6 cans of a noseable hipster-preferred craft lager, like Keystone Light (in the white can, of course)
6 glasses worth of competition-quality Italian Pinot Noir, preferably a Franzia Chillable Red (it is the world’s most popular wine for a reason)

It’s Sunday around 10 o’clock; it’s brunch at FoCo, the only time Vino B. Ier ever eats there. Vino was muttering about something he’d learned about in Professor Park’s South German culture class this week. With all of his supplies jammed into his hiking pack, he claims a window table up in the NARP castle (AKA upstairs FoCo). Vino grabs six FoCo mugs, six plastic glasses, and lays them out in pairs.

He returns to his table after obtaining a platter with a smattering of exotic cheeses and bratwurst from World View. After pairing a bit of Ossau Iraty Vielle cheese with finocchiona sausage, he dispensed of the vorspeise and started to prepare the main course.

Turning to his pack, Vino nonchalantly fills up the beverage containers so thoughtfully spread out on his table.

A lunch-lady nearby who was cleaning the tables, noticed and started following the trail of crushed Keystone cans that led to Mr. B. Ier’s table. When she arrived at his lonely corner of upstairs FoCo, he was in the middle of pounding his third drink. The lunch lady screamed, “You can’t drink in here, and you’re standing there chugging beer!”

“Actually Ma’am”, retorted Vino, “I am sampling a flight of gluten free German lagers with an Italian wine pairing”

“What?” said the lunch-lady.

“It’s called a smorgasvein and it’s elegantly cultural.” Vino then proceeded to dump one of the Keystone cups into the wide mouth of the wine glass and then downs the whole drink in one gulp.

Vino was then promptly escorted from the building by Safety and Security, but not before he could slap the bag a few more times.

By Sir Loyn de Bef and Kobe Brined