Taking the Proverbial Kayak to Quincy or Nyack

After a night of quiet introspection, I spent the morning doing what I live for: perusing DDS’ website. There were many, but my favorite blatant, blatant lie was that the Hop’s “Courtyard Cafe” (Who knew it was called that? Not I.) is “Dartmouth’s best kept secret.” I just can’t fathom who would write this.

The zaniest thing about that claim is that it implies that some devious, malevolent fifth columnists– deeply ensconced in the DDS hierarchy– are hell-bent to keep the Holy Grail of the Hop away from the chapped lips of the uninitiated. The DDS website, however, grants you gnosis, secret knowledge that can help you circumvent the machinations of this Order of Golias. They’re guarding the pleasures of Dartmouth– but with the Hop, they’re doing the best.

Even within DDS, the Hop can’t win this best kept secret contest. The most obvious choice would be the Pavilion, but within the Dartmouth family, the Pavilion is the equivalent of that weird in-law who sporadically shows up at some family functions mostly to freak everyone out. It’s not a secret that’s kept, more of a topic that’s avoided. Durn place gives me the willies.

It’s clear then. The “best kept secret” is not the Hop because the mystical secret-guarders obviously posted that to distract from the real best kept secret, which I discovered at 2:30 last night. I won’t tell you what it is, but rest assured: its mellifluousness in my brain has not faded.

Oh, wow. The library people apparently contest the Hop’s bestness of secret-keeping. Oy, snap. But who will ‘get served‘?