Sustainably Insane

Sustainability at Dartmouth Coordinator Jim Merkel, unveiled the most recent iteration of his quixotic quest to reduce all signs of human impact upon the earth (with the necessary end objective of eradicating the human race altogether.) Merkel plans on heating water in four Dartmouth buildings via solar panel. The Office of Sustainability projects that oil consumption will be cut by “0.0024 percent”. “The goal is to save oil and diversify our energy portfolio, which currently consists of 100 percent fossil fuel,” Merkel said. Students eagerly anticipate this Great Leap Forward when only 99.9976 percent of Dartmouth’s energy will be derived from fossil fuels.