Rather funny

>Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2003 20:26:53 -0500

>From: “Oh Shit!”

>Reply-To: oh.shit@dartmouth.edu

>To: oh.shit@dartmouth.edu

>Subject: Resolution 1441

Oh Shit!

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The deadline to comply with U.N. Resolution 1441 has passed. Any

Dartmouth students who happen to be dictators of

applicable Third World countries should be advised that their country

will be plunged into a roiling vortex of aerial bombing,

land war, and occupation, but that all that will also be accompanied by

a soft, palate-cleansing sorbet of humanitarian aid.

A coalition of the world’s foremost military powers — including the

United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Spain, Poland,

Bulgaria, Latvia, Iceland and Eritrea — will be removing dictators from

power by force or, if necessary, by even more force.

In other news:

**Residents of French Hall are advised that their dormitory has been

renamed Freedom Hall.

**A prolonged international search fueled by the bloodlust of millions

has failed to bring a renowned international fugitive to

justice. Analysis of tapes recently released to the international media

have led experts to conclude that Salman Rushdie is still

alive, and indeed recording new Audiobook editions of his Satanic

Verses.

**With the Afghanistan reconstruction budget dwarfed by the Iraq war in

the latest Congressional budget proposal, angry

members of the infant Afghan government have placed their financially

shafted country on eBay.

**UPDATE: Residents of Freedom Hall are advised that their dormitory has

been renamed You’d All Be Licking Nazi

Boots If It Weren’t For Us, You Commercially-Invested-In-Iraq,

Anti-Semitic Effete Bastards Hall.

**In recognition of the international turmoil, ORL has cancelled room

draw and dealt with room assignments for next year by

simply placing everybody on the waitlist. Dean Martin Redman reminds

students bewildered by this decision that Dartmouth

studetns are still young children, and when they grow up, they’ll

understand how big important adults make decisions.

**The world is a scary, terrifying place.

******************

The Oh Shit! is a service brought to you by the Dartmouth

Jack-O-Lantern. Anybody who wishes to be remove from this blitz

list should take care of that, I guess, although we’re not going to do

it for you, you lazy slob.