It Must Be Satire

Since no Dartmouth student could possibly write this poorly.

The lead paragraph gets better each time I read it, especially the second sentence.

Harvard University appointed Ryan Travia, coordinator for alcohol and other drug education programs at Dartmouth, as its director of alcohol and substance abuse services late last month. Following his unannounced resignation, Travia will serve beginning Aug. 1, leaving a legacy of successful alcohol and drug awareness programs behind him.