Is Nothing Sacred?

The College is going to ban smoking in every dorm? Set aside the absurdity of telling all campus smokers they can’t practice their habit even in their own rooms, for which they are grossly overcharged. Set aside that the College is making every effort to curb off-campus living, which would allow smokers to opt-out of this rule. Set aside that there’s basically no chance this can be enforced, and even less chance all smokers are going to obey it voluntarily. And set aside that if there’s anyplace it’s cruel and unusual to make people smoke outside, it’s Dartmouth. Let’s just focus on one question:

Why is the issue banning smoking everywhere? Why not create a smoking dorm or two and let students opt in to such a dorm rather than opt for “smoke-free” housing if they want it. It’s a bit ridiculous the default is a smoking dorm when the majority of dorms aren’t.

Moreover, every other frickin group on campus can gets it’s own affinity housing – trust me, smokers have more of an affinity for one another than just about anyone. And as for the advantages to the campus as a whole:

a) Can’t we all admit that this would be the biggest party dorm ever? I know, I know, smoking isn’t cool – I get that. But smokers have the highest cool/non-cool ratio of any basic demographic group. That’s how the rumor about smoking being cool got started in the first place. And especially these days, I suspect Dartmouth needs a big party dorm. It might even keep the freshman from going to frats and dropping the dime on them every weekend.

b) You want diversity? You want interaction between people of different sociocultural backgrounds? Then put all the smokers together my friend, because smoking transcends race, culture, religion, and basically everything else in America today. Smokers know they’re the most despised minority in this country, and so everything else doesn’t really matter.

And once the smokers all come to know and appreciate each other, they can spread the gospel of tolerance and understanding at all the parties they’ll be having in their dorm.