Green Key Save


Green Key Save

Knob Creek bourbon

A 4,000 word essay

Green Key weekend

Lo and behold, it was our favorite freshman’s first Green Key weekend. His excitement had been building since Pigstick. He’d heard so much about Block Party, and this event and that. Then, disaster struck. A 4,000 word essay, due on Sunday. Upon hearing this, the color drained from his face. Why Sunday, of all days? And the Sunday of Green Key.

Clearly, Green Key was going to be spent in the library instead in a raucous bliss. The horror. Something had to be done. Our freshman, neurons firing and sparks flying, would have to write the paper by Friday. He knew this would be challenging, but by no means insurmountable. He had to try. He dove into research, spent Monday and Tuesday night at the library. But procrastination got the best of him. On Wednesday, he went out, and before he realized it, it was Thursday. Though he made a dent, there was still a long ways to go. So he decided to pull an all-nighter, something he hadn’t done since those days in high school.

Exhausted, he went to his 2A, and then he put his head down for a nap, mustering all his strength for that all-nighter. It was a sound plan. He woke up at 7PM, took out a handle of Knob Creek, poured himself a generous helping, and wrote furiously for the next ten hours as he poured another and another. As day bled into night and back into day again, he stood triumphant in the end. He felt like he was on top of the world.

After a no good, very bad week, Green Key was saved. And our favorite freshman was all the better for it.

By Samuel L. Prescott