Free Massages for Finals

I just received this in my Blitz inbox from Student Assembly.

Finals got you down?
Your stress levels off the chart?
Then sign up for a free massage!

On Friday, March 13th from 1:00pm – 4:30pm two license masseuses will be giving 15 min massages for free.

Sing up sheet will be posted on the SA office door (Collis 205A) @ 5pm TODAY. First come, first served.

Also, be on the lookout for the Dartmouth Moose on Friday. It will be coming around with some delicious treats and warm hugs.

We’re firing faculty, cutting courses, and we’ve got a football team with an offense less effective than Pickett’s Charge, but heaven forbid we cut costs by getting rid of free massages during finals.