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Carny Repellant

Carny Repellant

2 lips of long cut, Greenville chewing tobacco 1 bottle of Old Medley Bourbon 4 servings of cotton candy 6 gumballs (accidentally swallowed) Granite in your veins Winter Carnival makes… Read more »

The Elegantly Cultural

The Elegantly Cultural

6 cans of a noseable hipster-preferred craft lager, like Keystone Light (in the white can, of course) 6 glasses worth of competition-quality Italian Pinot Noir, preferably a Franzia Chillable Red… Read more »

The Frat Brother in the “High” “Castle”, or, The Heavy Grasshopper

The Frat Brother in the “High” “Castle”, or, The Heavy Grasshopper

1 Part Crème de Menthe 1 Part Crème de Cacao 1 Part Heavy Cream 1 Can of Keystone Frank walked across the Green, hunched over, his face half-hidden beneath his… Read more »

The Guest Lecturer

The Guest Lecturer

1 clear plastic off-brand water bottle ½ liter bottom-shelf vodka I’m not a bad guy, but more importantly, I went to a good school. I mean it’s not like I… Read more »

The Tremendous Trump

The Tremendous Trump

1.5 oz Trump vodka Incomprehensible wealth Tremendous energy Tremendous cunning The highest of IQs Brain A higher power than yourself I don’t drink. Can you believe it? But what a… Read more »

My Old Alpha Delta Home

My Old Alpha Delta Home

1 flask of Lagavulin 16 Year Single Malt Scotch Maudlin folk music I parked across the street, behind a minivan and in front of a beat-up old car that resembled… Read more »

The New Amsterdam Fireball

The New Amsterdam Fireball

2.5 ounces of Haselkamp Jenever Gin 1 ounce of Fireball Cinnamon whiskey An empty WD-40 can A long time ago I was backpacking through Amsterdam with my cousin, Lagunas Finn,… Read more »

The Quinetiket River Brewe

The Quinetiket River Brewe

A drop of brandy, to keep up the spirits A goodly glass of cider, dark A seaman’s tot of dark Caribbean rum A shot of Muskovi bread wine, not for… Read more »

The Banzai-tini

The Banzai-tini

2.5 ounces of Cambridge Gin 1⁄2 ounce of Sperone dry vermouth 1⁄4 ounce of squid ink into a shell casing from a 105 mm Howitzer I remember fishing for the… Read more »

Away, Away in Mexico

Away, Away in Mexico

Tequila The thrill of the chase Back in the early 80’s, I took a trip down to Mexico with my longtime friend, Sneed Mickleson. Sneed was looking for a Pima… Read more »