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Locker Room Talk

Locker Room Talk

Hurt Feelings Moral Superiority High Horses She used to be great. She’s still very cunning. I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down in Foggy Bottom. I moved… Read more »

The Gas Guzzler

The Gas Guzzler

1 pt. top shelf vodka… paid for by NextGen Dash of premium, low-octane gasoline… also paid for by NextGen Tuesday: 5:46 PM Via Text Message:  “Hi, this is Liana with… Read more »

The Banlon

The Banlon

Spirits Puritan Wrath Juan Carlos thought back to his college days as his mustache rubbed against the crinkled sheet. Had Eleazar Wheelock felt like this, over two hundred years ago?… Read more »

The Worst Mixo Ever

The Worst Mixo Ever

2 parts someone else’s vodka 1 part salty tears of fratless living 1 case of warm, cheap beer It’s day 12 and morale is running low. Rations, scarce to begin… Read more »

Bloody Green Key Sunday

Bloody Green Key Sunday

Premium Vodka Sriracha Adderall Hopeless evasion of the events of the previous 48 hours Salt Celery Smoked paprika When partying well into Saturday night and through the twilight hours of… Read more »

The Quinetiket River Brewe

The Quinetiket River Brewe

A drop of brandy, to keep up the spirits A goodly glass of cider, dark A seaman’s tot of dark Caribbean rum A shot of Muskovi bread wine, not for… Read more »

How I Spent my 4/20

How I Spent my 4/20

1 Bowl of Autumn Blend Tobacco 1 Briar Pipe 2 Lips of Copenhagen Long Cut 1 Bottle of Douro Valley Port No one really knows how 4/20 started, legend has… Read more »

The Tremendous Trump 2.0

The Tremendous Trump 2.0

Trump Vodka A small loan of $1m Trump Steak, very well done Large, strong hands An epithet for John Kasich We’re winning by a lot, even though I’m being treated… Read more »

The Ballad of Sir Loyn de Béf

The Ballad of Sir Loyn de Béf

A glass of warm milk A little nostalgia One night some weeks past, as Sir Loyn de Béf dined with a few of his fine companions, he requested a glass… Read more »

The Pour Man’s Canada Goose

The Pour Man’s Canada Goose

4 parts coffee from the HOP 1 part creamer 4 pumps of sugar 1 long pour of Jim Beam Bourbon There used to be this Tabard known as “Dirty Dan”… Read more »