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Wheelock’s Fountain of Youth

Wheelock’s Fountain of Youth

  Gallons of New England Rum Gallons of Malaga Wine Pounds of sugar Hundreds of lemons Dozens of limes 1 pound of nutmeg ’Twas a Friday night in the springtime,… Read more »

Hanover Iced Tea

Hanover Iced Tea

1 part Gin 1 part White Rum 1 part Silver Tequila 1 part Vodka 1 part Triple Sec 1 part Simple Syrup 1 part Lemon Juice Cola to Taste 1… Read more »

The Bishop

The Bishop

A fine crystal glass filled with Madeira A teaspoon of lemon juice A teaspoon of sugar A dash of nutmeg Don Pablo entered the hall three minutes late, but with… Read more »

The Big White Rally

The Big White Rally

Ice, ice baby Dying traditions Global warming President Phil Hanlon looked out across the melting snow, a frown breaking his normally apathetic expression. The world was coming to an end…. Read more »

The Smell of Treason in the Evening

The Smell of Treason in the Evening

1 bottle of Stolichnaya vodka 1 BIC lighter, rainbow-print design with a small hammer and sickle sticker 1 tremendously hand-sewn American flag (made in Trump’s America) Colonel Phil Hanlon ’69… Read more »

2020: Ameer’s Dartmouth

2020: Ameer’s Dartmouth

Banned hard alcohol Dear Old Dartmouth, It is with great sadness that I write to you about the situation on the ground at Dartmouth College, the once great College on… Read more »

MAGA!

MAGA!

1 part Limiting Access to Abortion 2 parts Dirt-covered Hands of the Working Man 1 part “Marriage is between a man and a woman” Garnished with the Second Amendment Served… Read more »

Locker Room Talk

Locker Room Talk

Hurt Feelings Moral Superiority High Horses She used to be great. She’s still very cunning. I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down in Foggy Bottom. I moved… Read more »

The Gas Guzzler

The Gas Guzzler

1 pt. top shelf vodka… paid for by NextGen Dash of premium, low-octane gasoline… also paid for by NextGen Tuesday: 5:46 PM Via Text Message:  “Hi, this is Liana with… Read more »

The Banlon

The Banlon

Spirits Puritan Wrath Juan Carlos thought back to his college days as his mustache rubbed against the crinkled sheet. Had Eleazar Wheelock felt like this, over two hundred years ago?… Read more »